A few final thoughts before I call this project “done”.
I’ve had people ask me how I could possibly have missed the fact that Greg was gay. It’s so very difficult to explain the situation to those who weren’t close to us when we were still a ‘happy couple’. He was my best friend. My soul mate. The one person I trusted above all others. He did small things each and every day that smacked of love and caring. Little gestures, favors, playful comments. Not a day went by where we weren’t running around the house in playful chase, plotting our future together and/or sharing how much we cared for one another. Always a kiss before he left the house. Always a hug and kiss when he returned. By all accounts, he put on quite the show (or really did adore me at some point.) Greg makes you feel like the most important person on the planet. Like you are a million bucks. Like you are loved.
Alas, he also has a way of glossing things over. Creating a little bit of a utopia in his mind. I really believe he makes up a reality and then clings to it until he finally believes it to be true. I’m sure he’ll insist until the day he dies that he did everything that he did, finance wise, to try to keep me happy, to keep me living the lifestyle to which I was accustomed. The problem with this theory is that we didn’t live beyond our means. Really. Even now, on Day Shift at work, with the loan on my 403B retirement plan coming out of each check, with NO shift differential for working nights, my income each month would still have covered the mortgage on the Haven. In any case, it is very important to me that people realize that the anger I finally felt towards him was nearly all a direct result of my finances and the fact that I lost my sweet kitties. ( I will miss them for the rest of my life. They were my children.) The fact that Greg is gay is just that; a fact. Nothing more. I have tons of comrades to happen to be gay. It doesn't matter. Greg deserves to live his life and be happy, as much as any of the rest of us do. And as long as he’s doesn’t have an effect on your love life or finances, he makes for a great, though dramatic, friend.
Alas, he also has a way of glossing things over. Creating a little bit of a utopia in his mind. I really believe he makes up a reality and then clings to it until he finally believes it to be true. I’m sure he’ll insist until the day he dies that he did everything that he did, finance wise, to try to keep me happy, to keep me living the lifestyle to which I was accustomed. The problem with this theory is that we didn’t live beyond our means. Really. Even now, on Day Shift at work, with the loan on my 403B retirement plan coming out of each check, with NO shift differential for working nights, my income each month would still have covered the mortgage on the Haven. In any case, it is very important to me that people realize that the anger I finally felt towards him was nearly all a direct result of my finances and the fact that I lost my sweet kitties. ( I will miss them for the rest of my life. They were my children.) The fact that Greg is gay is just that; a fact. Nothing more. I have tons of comrades to happen to be gay. It doesn't matter. Greg deserves to live his life and be happy, as much as any of the rest of us do. And as long as he’s doesn’t have an effect on your love life or finances, he makes for a great, though dramatic, friend.
If any of Greg’s family happen to decide to read their way through this site of mine, I have a message for you: You are amazing. I’m gonna get all sappy here for a moment, but you are so worth this heart-ache. I want each and every one of you to know how happy I was to be a part of your family. You are fantastic, strong, loving people and I miss you very much. It’s hurts to think I won’t be as in the loop with your life adventures. That I won’t get to watch the kids grow into the fine adults that I know they can become. That I probably won’t see you again. I am going to miss you terribly. Greg is so lucky to have you.
To the friends and family who have supported me as I’ve gone through my trials the past few years: I won’t be able to say enough here to fully convey the love I have for each of you. I’m am so very blessed that you are a part my life. Some of you were there for the entire journey, others came along as the drama unfolded, but regardless of timing, you’ve all played such a vital role in me learning who I want to be as a person. Your continued friendship and love help me work towards becoming that person. I couldn’t do this without you. But even as I strive for those goals, I am already liking the person I am so far.
Now, as my new journey begins, I realize I really am finally “FINE”. :)
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| Thank you, Carolyn, for all the custom art work you made for this project. |